So there’s this chick from the chat rooms that I really don’t know what her problem is. If any other female comes in that is relatively decent looking, even if said female isn’t courting attention for her looks, she makes digs about her. She will run her mouth/fingers constantly, but then claim that everyone else starts drama. The worst part is she’s like 45 or so… Shouldn’t you have grown up by now?

So she started in on me yesterday… I was talking to a friend Krista, and I had ordered a bunch of clothes from DollHouse and all except one pair of jeans fit… even though they were all the same size. Someone else made a comment about how size 3 meant you had no ass, and I replied that wasn’t my problem… So then Karla launches in on this tirade about how I have no curves, no body… I look like a little kid. I ignored her, but someone else said that I looked fine, and that they had hung out with me recently and I seemed to have curves then. Karla took offense to that, yelling at me to “post the videos…” she’s been stalking videos of me from youtube that are 6 years old! That youtube of mine got deleted years ago, but someone else saved them… and I don’t even look like myself in the videos.

So she launches into how I look like a little kid, and that it’s nothing to be proud of… I’m a rail and she’s a real woman, blah blah blah… really? I wasn’t fishing for compliments… I made a comment about the same brand of jeans not having uniform sizing.

Oh, and then to top it all off, SHE goes off about how I do nothing but cause drama, even though I ignored her most of the night.

Methinks someone has mental issues.

brunetttebomb: NICOLL IS NOT THAT ATTRACTIVE…ARE YALL TARDS? NO OFFENSE NICOLL LOL
prescriptiondoll: karla, i don’t care if you call me ugly… i’m content in my looks, and don’t really care about looking any different
prescriptiondoll: i’m not here to attract guys
brunetttebomb: NICOLL BLAH
brunetttebomb: I DIDNT SAY YOU WERE UGLY BUT THESE 2 DUDES ARE GOING OVERBOARD

If you had to pick a band to define your life’s theme music, which band would you pick?

Me – SugarCult

Rachel (hockey) – Incubus

Jason – Third Eye Blind

Erik – Slipknot

So.. yesterday I finally got fed up at my job… and I quit!

My manager called a team conference call, to discuss all the projects and the current transitions. She called me second, and wanted me to explain an issue that we had the day before.

I’ve been working with this other team for over a year, and I’ve beat my head against the wall with them… it doesn’t matter how bad they screw up, it’s always your fault. That’s the end of the story. The ONLY way to get something done with them is to bite the bullet and claim it was your fault. It really doesn’t help that this team is composed of all Indian/Pakistanis, and they’re older… and I’m a young female. I’ve dealt with this for over a year… I know, it’s not fair… but hey, that’s life. So the day before yesterday, they had screwed up and only loaded partial days worth of data, claiming that that is all I sent them. To fix it, I said there must have been an error, I re-pushed the files via SFTP, AND I attached all of the files to the email. It’s a total CYA tactic, but it works.

So yesterday on the call, LaNita launches into me about how we have integrity in our data, and we need to prevent these kind of mistakes from happening. I explain that the mistake wasn’t on our side, but that they didn’t load the full days of data, and me attaching the files via email was a CYA tactic… and that you have to claim it was a mistake on your part to get anything done. Doesn’t work… she still is griping at me… in front of everyone on the team.

I get disciplining a person for failing to do a job… but publicly disciplining a person that gets something accomplished? Not happening.

As soon as she was done with me, I dropped from the call, bawling my eyes out… by 3pm yesterday I had already put in 52 hours this week… and she was going to question my ability to do the job?? Bullshit.

I got over to the part of the building where my husband works, and I was hyperventilating and I couldn’t talk… He got me calmed down enough (and his entire team was over there listening to me) to get what was happening out of me. J asked me what I wanted to do… and I said I can’t do this anymore. I’ve lost so much of myself running myself into the ground to prove I’m good enough at this job, only to be treated like this… I’m a second class citizen here because I’m a contractor, not a full employee. J said he was fully behind me quitting. I got everything out to my car, and sent an email to my team letting them know that I wouldn’t be fulfilling the remainder of my contract, and that it was for the best.

So I finally get home, and luckily my husband is right behind me… because I passed out. I really don’t know what happened… I was in the kitchen, and I was still crying… and then the next thing I’m waking up today and everything hurts. I have pretty bad reactions to stress because of my lupus, but normally its a couple of days later, not hours.

So all in all, I still feel like I wasted 4 years of my life, because that was by far the worst manager I’ve ever had. I’ve had some really crappy managers… the ones at Sonic when I was in college that stole tips, the one at Stream that got in my face and told me I was stupid because I was female and I’d never be able to work in technology… but she’s the worst. I think all of her digs at me hurt worse because she’s a female too. She should know what it’s like to work your ass off in this field and not be taken seriously because you’re female… but it doesn’t matter. You should never discipline someone in front of their coworkers. It puts everyone in a very awkward position, and it destroys a person’s confidence.

First post on a new blog… These are always fun.

I’m in a conflicted state right now. I’m currently a Windows systems administrator, but my contract is ending. My end date was supposed to be 3/31, however I was told by my manager today that she is releasing me early, on 3/4. My major issue is the slight she made when she told me my projects are in more capable hands. Of course they are… The hands of a male. I’ve had to work twice as hard as my counterparts because I don’t get take seriously. I can’t even count the number of times I’ve gotten comments like “but you’re pretty” or “you’re so small” when people find out what I do. I don’t really see how my looks or my size matter to how well I do my job… Unfortunately, that’s extremely hard to prove in a discrimination case. I would note, however, that I am the only female on the team, and the go to person for several different subjects. I’m also the youngest full member of the team, the intern is the only one younger than me.

I’m good at technology. I learn it so quickly. I pick up languages, I pick up software… I’m just great at it. But I’m also a female, and it seems like every company is full of this political BS. If you don’t spend your time kissing ass, you don’t get anywhere. If you prove that you’re of above average intelligence, you’re a target for management that isn’t. I don’t know that I’m strong enough to keep fighting the same fights over and over again, proving myself to people that don’t understand my role, but want to pidgin-hole me into a stereotype of their choosing.