I have two photoshoots coming up. One on January 28th (I think), and one in February… both are pinup shoots. Should be fun… but I think I’m going to start winding down on my modeling. It was fun while it lasted, but I’m just not all that into it anymore.

I got a new piercing and tattoo over the weekend as well.

The bruising is healing pretty quickly… I didn’t realize just how easily I bruised until I got the tattoo. Oh well, it’s healing well, and I love it.

I also got my monroe (lip) pierced the same day… I’ve had it done before, but took it out a long time ago. I love love love it… it’s so different. Hopefully it’ll heal quickly as well.

I’ve been doing a lot of needlepoint to keep myself occupied at work when we’re slow. I also bought some new beads, so I’ll start making jewelry again as well. Who knows, maybe I’ll end up making some one off pieces to sell.

Present – The Queen of Passage
Surrender/Transition/Trust
All things Change. All situations move from one phase into another. Sometimes those transitions are difficult. Letting go and moving on, whether to a new life, a new love, or perhaps just a new phase of a current relationship, can be painful, but the Queen of Passage is there to help with those transitions. She looks ahead with the keen sight of the kestrel and can see the future with the wisdom of the raven. She holds a pomegranate, a sign of fertility. There is growth in the future. There is a way ahead. The darkness comes as ou step from one stage to another. The moment of passage between the past and future, between the worlds themselves, is a moment of surrender.
Trust this great queen to be your guide. Listen to what she has to tell you and then take that step. She will be by your side in the moment you move out of the past and into the future.

Future – The Rox
Manipulation/Neediness/Make an Effort
The poor Rox – always ill. Sniffles, aches and pains, a slight temperature – he just can’t gather the energy to help himself but he always has enough energy to get you to help him. He is after all the king and being the king means having servants. Not that he wouldn’t help himself if he only felt up to it, but in the meantime just be a dear and fix him a little something to eat, preferably expensive and time-consuming to make but it’s just the thing to make him feel better and you do want to help him get well don’t you? And would you go out and pick up his dry-cleaning? He would do it himself but he’s not feeling up to it and besides it’s too cold to risk going out and you remember what happened last time, don’t you? But you’ll be fine – a brisk walk is just the thing for you.
Do you know someone like this? This person is a master of manipulation. He can get you to do anything for him because he uses guilt as a finely honed tool. It’s very difficult to say no to someone as needy as this person appears to be, but every once in a while try saying that you just can’t do whatever it is he’s asking of you. This may come as a shock to the Rox – he isn’t used to being denied anything, but it will begin to restore the balance in your relationship. If you recognize yourself in the Rox, think about the reasons you ask people to do things for you that you are perfectly capable of foing. Is it the desire to control a person or a situation, or do you really need help? Combine the Rox with the Speaker of Truth and find the answer for yourself.

Love Tarot – The Emperor – The Emperor is the archetype of the father, an authority figure who acts as head of the family. He brings stability and reason. He carries the imperial orb and scepter, symbols of his powerful status, and his shield bears the eagle, emblem of paternalism and protection. His sign is forceful Aries, rules bu Mars, planet of war. The Emperor is the counterpart of The Empress, so he may be a parent or partner.

GaiaStar Codex – JuiceJoy – JuiceJoy love what they do. Singing the seeds of paradise into manifest form is a sublime pleasure.
The empowerment from JuiceJoy is translation. Vibration is the root language, the source code that generates every reality. The SeedSingers translate this source code into seedsongs that unfold the GaiaStar realm. You can do this, too, by coming into harmony with the GaiaStar seed-being. In this state of resonant alignment, you form a sound bridge over which the nascent global being can emerge into full reality.
In theology, translation means going straight to heaven without dying. The GaiaStar reality interpenetrares with our current Earth. You get there by widening your perception and allowing your own vibrational patterning to shift. If you resonate with the new Earth, you will gradually tube yourself to its upgraded vibrations. JuiceJoy invite you to sing your way through the glory portal into a familiar yet reborn world.

Animal Messages – Owl – Seek out deeper knowledge to see through deception
If Owl has glided into your cards, the time has come to seek the hidden as Owl seeks prey beneath the deep, crisp snow. Arcane knowledge, deep within the ageless traditions of white magic, will now reveal itself if you quiet your mind and explore the mysteries beyond; your perceptions will be such that others will be utterly unable to deceive you. Like Owl you will absorb the benign and nourishing and discard the destructive, imbuing your life with intense meaning.

Crystal Ally – Rhodochrosite – Child Within

Wolf Song – Ferret – Search for truth or answers

The Fairies Oracle – Myk the Myomancer – Small clues/Details/The messages everywhere/Patience
A myomancer reads the past, present, and potential of all being in the movements of mice. Myk is particularly fond of field mice, as they are livelier and better fed than church mice. Myk could learn the same things by reading berries or patterns made by fallen leaves or any one of a billion other things, but his speciality is mice. He can learn endless things from the way they twitch their whiskers or hold their tails. He sees hidden information in the patterns of growth and coloration in their fur, the way the wind rumples it, and how they preen themselves.
Little things can tell us a lot. Everything bears messages about the universe around us. Studying the details sometimes enables us to deduce the whole.
The entire universe is one piece, and each fragment of that one Unity reflects and is connected to all the others. That famous philosopher Anonymous once said, “The lifting of a finger disturbs the farthest star.” Myk says it works the other way around, too. He advises us to make a slow and observant study of the little things and their even smaller details in the world around us. He says that such study not only helps us enhance our understanding of life, Unity, and everything, but it also helps to develop a joyful patience and a deeper philosophy.

The Heart of Faerie Oracle – The Prince Of Shadows – Danger/Addiction/Irresistible Urges
The Prince of Shadows is the bad boy of the Faerie Court. Whether it be the Light Court or the Dark Court, they each have their Prince of Shadows. He has great beauty. He is heartless. He is everything we wish for and everything that hurts us the most. Can we have a relationship with this being? Maybe. If we are strong enough or perhaps if we are heartless enough to meet him on his own terms, then yes, we can have a relationship. Will it be intense? Most definitely. Can it be addictive? Certainly. Will it be a warm and lasting relationship? I doubt it.
If this prince appears in a reading, ask yourself what it might refer to in your life. It may not be a physical person at all. It may be your state of mind at the moment. It is an irresistible urge for something that we know may harm us. Alcohol, drugs, shopping, computers, TV, even people – anything that can become addictive if indulged to excess. If this is someone in your life at the moment, then take a long look at your relationship. Is it heading into dark places that will harm you? Is it already there? If this is someone who i about to come into your life, then approach carefully. If this card is coupled with, for instance, the Queen of the Night, then beware temptations and dangers are heading your way. If you are going out for a night on the town, make sure you can find your way home again.

Power Tarot – Centering – Never leave your center. Count your bad points as well as your good. what is good and what is bad are most often purely relative. If you sense a weakness within yourself, explore it. It may become the source of your greatest strength. As you sit like a sacred Buddha amid the pandemonium of your life, always remember that the situation or person who has the ability to upset you the most, to pull you off center, is your greatest teacher in the process of centering. such negativity can become your addiction. Center yourself in your power, and release your need for constant distraction from your center.

Crystal Ally – Chrysocolla – Sacred Sounds

Animal Messages – Crocodile – “The alchemy of energy teaches that death will always yield new life”
Silently slipping through her riverine world, guardian of the margins between land and water, of the mud from which life springs, Crocodile is keeper of all knowledge. Her wisdom speaks both of the enduring nature of life and its utter fragility, of gentleness and ferocity of how death yields life and the constant transformation of all energy. If Crocodile has swum to you, the time has come to examine the primordial mysteries of life and prepare yourself for rebirth and the wonders it will bring.

GaiaStar Codex – Emerge – Peaceful, penetrating, wisdom-laden. Emerge equips you to make the leap. It is both summary and absolutely open-ended. Use it when you are ready to take off.
Ride the Emerge current out of the crystal cave into the light of complete appearance. You are a shining avatar of the heralded world. It’s time to let yourself be seen.

Love Tarot – Charity – Unconditional Love
Charity brings a love you can rely upon. Whatever your situation, you are loved for who you are, and you can offer unconditional love to others.

Miracle Cards – Perceiving Others – The places in our personality where we tend to deviate from love are not our faults, but our wounds. God doesn’t want to punish us, but to heal us. And that is how he wishes us to view the errors in other people: as their woundedness, not their guilt.

Wolf Song – Arctic Fox – Contradiction, conflict

Heart of Faerie Oracle – The Hope – Light in the Dark/Faith/Comfort
This is the faerie of dark despair. She is there in your darkest hour. We know people who have had her tattooed on their backs, and my question was, why would you want dark despair on your back? But then as I thought about it, I realized that she is there as a comfort. She feels despair and lives it with you, she helps you through it because the only thing to do it to go through it and come out the other side, free of that emotion. The little faerie hovering above her is hope. In all despair there is hope. It may be small and may seem insignificant but it is there. Hope is the bright spark, the tiny bit of magic that can turn the tide of despair. Wherever you find the faerie of dark despair, you will also find hope, in the wings of the faerie herself, in her garland of golden flowers. As the sun reaches the darkest shadows, hope crowns despair. Remember that there is hope in any situation. It may not come in the form you are expecting or would wish for, but look for it, and you will find it nonetheless. Have faith that something good can come. By allowing that thought in, the darkness of despair can begin to give way to the light of hope.

The Faerie’s Oracle – Geeeeeooo the Slooow – Cycles of time/Slowness/Waiting/Patience
Geeeeeooo is the Gnome of Slow Processes. How long is it going to take for that water to wear that rock away? Howmuch has that mountain grown (or eroded) in the last millennium? Geeeeeooo is there watching attentively, making certain that things don’t happen too fast, resulting in a slipshod job. It is he who watches the waves slowly encroach on the shore, wearing away the cliffs. Elsewhere, to keep things in balance, he watches certain mountains slowly grow taller.
Geeeeeooo is also the master of the clarification process whereby we let something sit quietly while the impurities slowly settle themselves out, allowing the substance to purify itself in time.
Geeeeeooo doesn’t understand why we rush about so, mission out on the slow changes in the worlds around us. He is amazed at the stress and problems we create for ourselves by doing that. He wonders how we can survive if we don’t sit down and watch the sunrises and sunsets or if we “don’t have time” to enjoy our lives – especially if we are so busy rushing around with the idea that we are making things good for ourselves later but never now.
The thing about Geeeeeooo’s processes is that they all proceed in good order. Fruit ripens on time, grain is ready at harvest time, and the moon and earth circle each other in equitable balance, neither too quickly nor too slowly. These natural processes work well, and in our own lives it is helpful to use them for models, finding the right pace – the pace that allows natural, low-stress growth and and progress and joy. The world isn’t turning any faster, so we might ask ourselves why we are trying to cram more into our days.

I started my new job… love it. I love the people I work with too. They’re nuts… the things that randomly get said around here rock. We even have dance parties… don’t ask. I’m sure the video will be posted at some point lol.

I’m working on my Go Go costume for Quarantined 4: Outbreak Imminent … It’s going to be fucking amazing. My leg furries are going to be the most unique furries ever.

<3 Rackspace… seriously, this place is awesome.

I’m excited too… I have a photoshoot booked for November. It’s going to be a fantastically creative photoshoot as well. I can’t wait!

Angels Blessing – Anael – Sexuality

Wolf Song – Lynx – Secrets, Truth revealed

Miracle Cards – Meaning in Life – Meaning doesn’t lie in things; meaning lies in us. When we attach value to things that aren’t love – the money, the car, the house – we’re loving things that can’t love us back. We’re searching for meaning in the meaningless, and this will always cause pain.

Crystal Ally – Chrysocolla – Sacred Sounds // Communication / Expression of the sacred / Goddess Energies / Gentleness / Power

Animal Messages – Baboon – In love and declarations of passion, heartfelt communication is the key.
Sublime Baboon, adept of love, wears her heart on her sleeve. Baboon does not pretend. Her passions and shows of affection are genuine, her reactions without artifice, so you may believe the ardent declarations of others. Truthful, heartfelt communication and open expression of feelings are what matter now in your relationship if, like Baboon, you seek lasting love. Hiding your emotions will leave others unsure of your intentions and reluctant to reveal their feelings, which can only lead to misunderstandings and sadness.

GaiaStar Codex – Mojo – Rebirth
Open-eyed and at ease in the fiery grip of transmutation, Mojo is the Phoenix. On his brow turns a spiral, the sign of continuity. Part bird, part rock, part man, he has gone beyond fear. From this place of freedom, he transmits the liberating “We live on.” Mojo’s empowerment is rebirth. He shows that every apparent ending sets loose the seed of the next beginning. The thread of your existence is unbroken. You can endure the heat of change with great equanimity when this knowledge becomes a certainty in your heart. It sets you free to be new again and again.

Love Tarot – Temperance – Temperance is one of the Tarot’s cardinal virtue cards, and she advocates balance and reason in love. A winged angel stands by a lush riverbank. With perfect poise she decants water from one cup to another while one foot touches the river’s water and the other rests upon the earth. Temperance reveals the need for attention to detail, and perhaps the patience of an angel, to keep your love life in balance.
Be mindful of a situation which, if left unattended, may result in a misunderstanding. If a relationship is volatile just now, try not to let your emotions run away with you. Maintain your equilibrium by listening to your heart and head in equal measure.

The Faeries’ Oracle – The Fee Lion – The Fee Lion looks out of his card accusingly, reminding us of things undone, promises unkept, and duties unfulfilled. He says that we can’t expect to have things go right when we are trailing so much unfinished business behind us. Dragging that stuff around tires us, it uses up energy that we need for other things. If we would just take care of these things that cause so much mental (and sometimes physical) clutter, we would suddenly find that we have a lot more energy at our disposal to do the things that we really want to do – and probably much more cooperation from others as well. He especially suggests that we take care of the little things that matter to others. We will feel so much better when we have done that, and so will he.

The Heart of Faerie Oracle – The Boy – Adventure / Freedom / Youth – The eternal Boy is like Peter Pan, the boy who never grows up. What is important about the Boy? We are told that we inevitably grow up, grow old, and die. And we do. At least part of us does. But there is another part of us that, like Peter Pan, stays eternally young, and not just young, but “boy” young. Masculine young. The part of us that wants to seek adventure, live dangerously, live heroically, and die gloriously. In Faerie, the part of us that is the eternal boy can roam free forever. Male of female – we all need to acknowledge the “boy” within us and let him run free. If we do no more than say, “Go fly, have adventures,” we have done enough. When the Boy turns up, take a minute to find the boy inside of you. He may be hiding = boys are good at that = but coax him out into the light, say hello, and let him fly. He’ll return to you, and when he does, oh what tales he’ll have to tell!

Power Deck – Aspiration – Aspiration stimulates power. It is your aim spiritually and physically in the world and involves the totality of your being. Without the balance between the physical and the spiritual, aspiration is a hollow accomplishment. It is like a spirit lodge at the dome of which are your ceremonies and rituals. But the spirit lodge must have a strong foundation of capability, trust of those around you, and responsibility. Aspiration is what builds the spirit lodge of power. It is the architect of your accomplishments and sits at the feet of power, as the deer stands before the remnants of an acient and powerful civilization. Keep your heart open, kind, and loving, so that the energy of the universe can move freely through you. It is difficult to aspire without judgement, but judgement limits you and puts a fence around your consciousness. Give much consideration to all your choices in life and a free flow to your process of aspiration.

Animal Messages – Frog – Adapt and survive by accepting the inevitable and seizing potential.
Mistress of diversity, Frog conforms seamlessly and ingeniously to her environment. If she has leaped into your cards, your strategy must also be to adapt and survive. Sometimes life moves inexorably on and nothing we can do will change events or alter fate. Frog counsels that for now it is wise to accept the inevitable while maximizing even the tiniest of possible advantages. That way you grow strong in the face of adversity and may influence events when opportunity arises.

Miracle Cards – Commitment – Commitment in a relationship means commitment to the process of mutual understanding and forgiveness – no matter how many conversations it takes, or how uncomfortable those conversations might sometimes be.

Wolf Song – Red Headed Woodpecker – Rationality, self-reliance

Crystal Ally – Amazonite – Personal truth

Love Tarot – The Lovers – The Lovers represent true love. Cupid shoots an arrow toward an earthly paradise where a man and woman stand naked together. They echo Adam and Eve in Eden, yet their love is very much of this world. The trees represent the Tree of Knowledge, which bore the apple eaten by Eve, and the Tree of Life. This duality is expressed by Gemini, the twins, The Lovers’ astrological sign. They bring you beauty, love and a decision.
You can deepen your bond with your partner and experience true bliss. However, you may feel divided loyalties as a third party intervenes; older relatives may compete for your attention. Rather than take the easiest option to keep others happy, you may need to put your relationship first.

GaiaStar Codex – Emerge – Peaceful, penetrating, wisdom-laden. Emerge equipts you to make the leap. It is both summary and absolutely open-ended. Use it when you are ready to take off. The strong tribal energy in the manzanita background anchors and potentiates the many crystalline beings who leap out from the inside diamond. Laser-light playing on the surface of the stones speaks of the alchemical wedding of technology and geology that catalyzes our emerging planet. Ride the Emerge current out of the crystal cave into the light of complete appearance. You are a shining avatar of the heralded world. It’s time to let yourself be seen.

Faerie’s Oracle – The Singer of Transfiguration – The Singer of Transfiguration tells us that we have been through the gate, we have passed through the initiation process, and we have reached a new way of being, reflecting deep transformation within ourselves. Things will never again be what they once were. Things will never been seen in the same way by us, and this is a good thing! This Singer’s joyful, passionate, bright blaze of color heralds a time of fulfillment and accomplishment. As with the other Singers, the power and joy of this one radiates especially strongly to the things and beings symbolized by the cards around it. Like the reborn, renewed phoenix, this Singer is aflame with vibrant, expanded life.
This card in a reading signifies the joy of success after a time of struggle. A new way of life has been accepted and is being integrated. A sense of inner peace is growing. The struggle has all been worth it. This is a time of consolidation and joy, and is both a reward for past achievements and a time of preparation for the next climb up the path.

Heart of Faerie Oracle – The Lady of Song – Listening/Stillness/Harmony
Look at the Lady of Song. Can you tell that she is listening attentively to the great song that the universe sings? She is so quiet, so very still, she can hear the most distant starts singing in harmony with out own planet. To hear this song is to become profoundly connected to the universe. She is here to remind you to listen. If you draw her in a reading, just sit still and listen for a moment. What can you hear? Of course you hear the ordinary sounds of life that you may find comforting or annoying, but what else do you hear? Listen to the stillness beyond the noise. In the sillness you will hear the song. Open your heart to it, and you will begin to understand that you are as much a part of the song as anything else in the universe. Raise your voice and sing with the Lady of Song and feel that connection.

I’m back to working far far far too much. I really am a workaholic. In the last 7 days, I’ve worked 85 hours… It’s amazing, I love my job… But I’ll never get used to being the only competent female in the data center.

This past week, the other female technician didn’t realize that you could have multiple Linux kernels in grub. Ok, to be honest… She actually asked what grub was… But…

She also replaced the RAM in a server… She used ECC when she needed ECC Reg, and tried saying it was the same thing. /facepalm

The good thing is that she makes me look fantastic without me trying. I’m studying for my RHCE, and apparently that makes me a goddess for even knowing what that is.

In other news… I’ve realized that I have people around me that care far more about my appearance than I do. I’ll be 28 this year… I’ve lived my entire life being content with not being a horribly disfigured troll. I never put a huge emphasis on my looks… Because honestly, I wasn’t comfortable enough to let my looks pay the bills. It’s just strange that so many other people seem to be concerned with mine. I’m used to the idiot trolls online that will rip a girl apart for any little flaw… I survived years on IRC What I don’t get though is the people that take the time out to come to my blog, dig through my pictures, and leave comments on every one or the pictures and blog posts, alternating between telling me I’m ugly, fat, anorexic, or I have a big head. Apparently I have a mustache, unibrow and I’m manly looking as well… I’ll really never get it lol. I guess I could understand if I was openly saying I was hot, or if I held some sort of conceited view about myself… But meh, not really. I’m me. I think I’m relatively small, I’m in decent shape, and I’m not an ogre. Some people find me attractive, some don’t. Some people seem to think that I’m fat, some people seem to think I’m too skinny. The funniest part is that I really don’t care because I have a husband that thinks I’m beautiful, and I never thought I was all that pretty to begin with. You’d think that being that blunt about it would give people pause… But no, it doesn’t… They seem to think that the most important thing for me is to be that hottest girl ever, because I apparently need someone to sleep with. Or… Something. I dunno… Apparently every female that has a picture online is a whore looking for sex… Forget the fact that the majority of companies post employee directories now… Logic doesn’t work on the Internet

Aaaaaaannnnndd last… I’m no longer in remission 。・°°・(＞_＜)・°°・。
It sucks, but I knew there was a pretty good chance of this happening. I’m back on a low dose of immunosuppressants, they are trying me on a new form of cellcept that is supposed to be more mild on my stomach. Its definitely more mild on my stomach… But that’s mainly because anytime I eat, I get heartburn so bad I stop eating. I have another doctors appointment soon, so they’ll probably try me on something else. Boo. Oh well.

<3′s

LiveLaughL0ve211: I DONT NEED A WIG I HAVE REAL HAIR
LiveLaughL0ve211: DOWN TO MY ASS
LiveLaughL0ve211: JEALOUS GIRLS
gaultier doll: LOL so you just admitted taht your pics are old
gaultier doll: if your hair was down to your ass… none of your pictures have hair that long
LiveLaughL0ve211: YOU HAVENT SEEN MY NEW PICS AND UR NOT GOING TOO EITHER
gaultier doll: I don’t care to see your pictures
LiveLaughL0ve211: YES U DO
gaultier doll: I’m just pointing out that you just busted yourself in yet another lie
LiveLaughL0ve211: THEN FKING SHUT UP THEN
LiveLaughL0ve211: I DID WHEN?
LiveLaughL0ve211: I HAVENT LIED
gaultier doll: you claim that the pics on your profile are recent… and then claimed that your hair is down to your ass
LiveLaughL0ve211: UM IT IS
gaultier doll: your pictures do not have hair that long
LiveLaughL0ve211: IM NOT LYING
LiveLaughL0ve211: MY NEW PICS DO U DUMBBITCH
LiveLaughL0ve211: MY GOD
LiveLaughL0ve211: LEARN TO READ PSYCHO
gaultier doll: so either those pictures aren’t recent, which is busting you in a lie… or your hair isn’t that long
LiveLaughL0ve211: OK SO WHAT
gaultier doll: so you just busted yourself in a lie
LiveLaughL0ve211: MOVE ON
LiveLaughL0ve211: UM OK
LiveLaughL0ve211: WHATEVER PSYCHO

LiveLaughL0ve211: that bithc post my pics on her site
LiveLaughL0ve211: she is psycho
gaultier doll: i’ve never posted your pictures on my site
gaultier doll: ever

How can someone blatantly contradict themselves, and then continue lying when it’s pointed out that everyone knows they’re lying?

I should have stopped trying to be perfect. I should have stopped trying to make everyone else happy instead of worrying about what made me happy. I should have done what everyone else in the world does, and only cared about myself.

I’d rather just go back to being a drugged up bitch. What’s the point of bettering yourself, if it doesn’t matter anyway? What’s the point of making everyone else happy, if no one is looking out for you? What’s the point in living life for someone else?

I’m done with the lupus medications. If it comes back, then it comes back. I’m not treating it again. I’m not going to continue pushing myself to be the person that everyone turns to. I’m not going to keep pushing myself to care about guarding my speech, or censoring myself, simply because I might offend someone. I’m done. I’m tired of trying to be perfect for everyone else, when being perfect won’t change anything.